I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
