He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize