Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
