On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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