dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize