I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
