i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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