i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
