lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
