I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
