Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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