You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
