you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize