whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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