i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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