My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
