Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
