3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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