Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
