What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
a search helicopter?!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize