so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it's like iHOP with fire
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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