I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
