I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
no, he came in my armpit
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
