Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
