I am puke
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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