you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
