i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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