They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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