I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
