it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
