Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
