okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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