i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
