you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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