I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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