my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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