I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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