a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
