True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
