Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
