i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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