I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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