look no pants
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
