I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
time to smoke my breakfast
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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