You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
