Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
