Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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