i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
