morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
