i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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