She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
