I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
