Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
