im about as happy as oj after his trial
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
