You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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