Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
