yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
