now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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