OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
