Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
