YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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