we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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