hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
