I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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