If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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