I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
