Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
