I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize