Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
