great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
