he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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